Building Stronger Communities: Insights from From Conflict to Community
Brief Book Review of From Conflict to Community by Gwendolyn Olton Premise: This book asks us to build stronger communities through skillful, relationship-centered approaches rather than punishment or power plays. My thoughts: Pop quiz! What is more important, the situation or the relationship? The answer is the essence of this book by Gwendolyn Olton. It’s easy to escalate conflict, get authority involved, and to demand punishment. And to be fair, it feels good at the moment. But does that retain or restore the relationship? As you might already know my father passed away recently, and when he passed we were in a good place. We had been in a good place for more than a decade. Not because he was a fantastic or even good father, or because we had paid for our sins or whatever. It’s because the relationship meant more than the past or current situations. Those in our lives that we’re angry with, what if they’re not here tomorrow. Will you still think it’s worth it? If not, then maybe there are some tools in here for you to change the way things are now so we don’t have to find out the hard way. Insights from From Conflict to Community:
Conflict is normal—and the more we’re able to name it and talk about it, the more possibility we have for transforming it.
We don’t need a special certification to practice peace and help de-escalate challenging situations.
Punishment is the most ineffective and least creative tool at our disposal.
Without awareness, there’s no choice, just the continuation of old patterns.
We are not taught conflict skills, and yet we mostly live together without violence. That says a lot about how collaborative humans naturally are.
Appearing rational is often prized over being emotional, but emotions are not a flaw—they’re a feature.
We can reclaim the word ‘conflict’—it doesn’t mean we’re bad, just human.
If someone doesn't have the power to say no to you, then you don't know what their yes means.
Dos and Don’ts:
Do:
Normalize conflict – It’s a natural part of life, not a failure.
Lead with empathy – Listen, reflect, and stay curious.
Use your own skills – Don’t default to outside authority.
Consider power – Context and dynamics matter.
Don’t:
Fake neutrality – It can reinforce harm.
Dismiss emotions – They carry important signals.
Aim to “win” – Focus on repair, not control.
Wait for credentials – You already have what you need.